aurgh

I didn’t see him last week. I saw him last night. I was out with two friends and of course I texted his brother bc I was with my friend who his brother has a crush on. I didn’t text him b/c he sometimes doesn’t answer me. So of course his brother tells me where they will be. And my friends and I go. They aren’t there when we get to the bar. I asked the nephew where they were .. well where the brother is, bc it isn’t good when I ask where the Boy is… then its like I am a serial stalker… which I refuse to be. They get there after a few minutes. We are sitting at the empty bar and the Boy comes up to order some drinks for everyone that is there already. He says a few words to me and we exchange some pleasantries… His brother comes over and chats with us for about 10-15 minutes– being witty with my friends and such. Then my friend says she has to go — so I said K– and we get up. This is also when the Boy decides to come over and grace us with his presence… I still got up and said byeee to the boys. He looked surprised that I was leaving… but I came with the girls and I was going to leave with the girls– even thou we all had separate cars– and I would have stayed if there was more people there. But I will be damned if I would be talked about “staying bc she wants to get with the Boy”. And of course– I am not going to text him my disappointment … that I wished that he had come in and saw me and stayed by me. He had friends there- so of course he should go over and converse with them. But hey– he hasn’t seen me ALL week. Hasn’t talked to me in a week– and he says a few words to me and goes over to the others. Not cool.

Sort of like when his brother ( who he is estranged from) comes into the place we were all at… And he gets up and moves tables so he could go over and be with him??? what the hell is that. I thought that you weren’t getting along. I do know that the “estranged” part of their relationship hurts him more than he lets on– but HEY– leaving me– that hurts. Yes,, I was with my friends — but you don’t just get up and leave with me. Friends are what we are– and what he has been displaying is NOT what good friends act like. I get he is pissed at me bc of me telling a friend that he texts me sad songs sometimes– and that friend told his “estranged” brother– and his EB rags on him about it– I ge that he doesn’t tell anyone that something is going on between us– I get that. Maybe it is only in my mind that we have something…. He doesn’t like to admit things– and I hate him for that. But I adore him at the same time. I have to get over the fact that I adore him. He doesn’t adore me. Well at least he doesn’t act like he adores me. I really need to get over that fact. But he is always on the top of my list. I need to erase my list and start over.

So, I will still continue on my path on trying to stop adoring him. It would be easier if people would stop putting us together 🙂 . damn I wish I didn’t adore him so much. Its been more than enough time to get over this flipping crush.